Once upon a time, I worked for a very horrible boss. As in all fairy tales, she was a wicked witch. This lady was so negative, you could feel her presence as she entered the building. It was as if the room felt heavier and you couldn’t get a breath of air. I don’t know if she was channeling Cruella de Vil or what, but it was some freaky stuff. It is like I had a sixth sense about her. To put it point blank – the woman was pure evil.

In all seriousness though, I was working in a very bad environment. Most of the time it’s unavoidable and you end up in these places. Other times, there can be management changes and you’re left with a whole new style of bosses. Some days you want to run and scream for the hills. But look at you, you’re a responsible adult. So the only solution is to push through until you can find a way out.

What I have learned over the years is to never blame yourself for the actions of others. If you’re to survive the sociopath boss, you must make a plan. So let’s see how we can create a strategy to help protect you and your sanity in a hostile work environment.

When you think of a bully, your first thought might go to the playground. Well, let’s substitute that with a cheaply made suit and Sticky notes. Bullying does not stop once you graduate from grade school. Workplace bullying is not some new age term that’s thrown around these days either. In fact, one in ten adults experienced bullying in their career.

These perpetrators can create a hostile environment with tons of stress and anxiety. What makes things worse is often the one causing the issue is in a management role. Working for this type of person can cause your nice peaceful Sunday to turn into a panic filled day of torment.

I know, I been there. I worked for someone who almost put me on the brink.

Long ago, I worked for a sociopath manager. Let’s call her Vicki. She was a real peach. She made that Devil Wears Prada lady look like the Easter Bunny. Her favorite office game was pitting coworkers against each other and watching the drama unfold. I tried to avoid most of the mess. That was until I said in my yearly review that I that actually liked working with our director (her mortal enemy). All bets were off and what happened to me was a six month trip through hell that only Dante could appreciate. In other words, she made my life a living hell.

Despite calls and complaints to the company human resource department, nothing was ever done to Vicki. In fact, Vicki found a way to become best friends with the head of HR. She knew who to charm and how to influence others for evil. The sad part was that higher management knew about it and shrugged it off as “that’s just Vicki.”

Yep, the same sainted Vicki that openly talked about an employee’s rehab program, called her own husband a “motherf**ker,” and had a someone fired a week before Christmas. All with a grin on her face. She was the epitome of a hostile work environment.

Ugh.

It took me three and a half years to finally drag myself to a place where I could leave. I saw numerous coworkers and employees leave and never look back. The office was a cesspool of anxiety. At least three people had strokes in the office from all the pressures of the job. So I had to make a decision. Leave on two feet or get wheeled out on a stretcher. My choice was obvious.

Unfortunately, the sociopath bosses are commonplace in the American workplace. Those cutting remarks, the singling out of an employee, and abuse of power run rampant. Their tactics are so insidious that you don’t know what is happening until it is too late. There are a ton of Vickis out in the workplace, doing their dirty work in the office environment.

The first order of business is getting the hell out of there. I know that’s not an option for most people. If it’s a manager perpetuating the bullying, the chances are slim that they’ll be fired. You may luck out. My experience is these goblins love to wield their little power unmercifully. So they aren’t going anywhere.

If you want any chance of getting your mental health, you need to find coping strategies. That is until you can leave them in the dust. I wish I had known this when I was there. I actually internalized everything and it cost me big time in medical bills. In fact, to this day I still cannot look at an Excel spreadsheet without a cold panic running over me.

So what can you do to manage the office sociopath?

 

• Avoid being a target

Sociopaths love nothing more than honing in on a target. It is best to keep your head down and avoid all confrontations with the office bully. I know it’s hard when you feel like you want to set the record straight. Avoid any game of one-upmanship. The sociopath has been playing it longer and better than you. Plus they won’t feel bad when they leave a trail of collateral damage in their path.

• Document everything

Documentation is important. Make sure you note every incident or harassing comment. Be sure to note the time, date, and any patterns you can recognize. If you can get to HR – great. But in my case, the bully already charmed her way into that department. Keep notes and records in case you can seek legal counsel in the future.

• Source the job boards

There are times when the only option is to move on to another job. I know you don’t want this person to get the best of you. But sometimes, you have to walk away. This is especially true if the bully is your boss. You can change your own behavior but not that of others. Sometimes the best course of action is to leave. So take the time and see what other employment options are out there.

• Leave on good terms

As much as you would love to bring in a marching band with a banner reading My Boss Is An Ass, try to contain yourself. It is amazing how small the business world can be. I worked in a different industry and found one someone who was a friend of a friend as my bad boss. So keep it professional. You don’t want to ruin your reputation due to someone else’s bad behavior.

• De-stress yourself

Working for a sociopath can leave you as an emotional mess. I experienced such a bad work environment that I had to take medicine to get through the day. Learning coping techniques can help alleviate some of the stress. Remember that it is not a flaw in your character but rather that of the bully. Easier said than done, but try to remember to not to take the criticisms personally. Enjoy your time away from the office and try not to ruminate on the day. Once you are home, focus on things that make you happy. Someone once told me “they don’t pay rent in your head.” So kick them out and focus on you.

 

Give yourself a pat on the back if you have survived the office sociopath. You need to remember that these people thrive on making the lives of others miserable. They live such miserable lives that they have to make everyone around them feel the same way. Remember to live your life to the fullest. We can’t change other people but we can change our own behavior.

Let me know in the comments about your run-in with the office bully. Do you have any tips to add?